Category: Confidence

Why I am no longer scared of change

Making a big life change is scary, but (2)Change is something I have learnt to embrace.  It isn’t easy, and I still find it a huge challenge, but I have learnt that change offers opportunity.

This post is a very special Wednesday quotation as the quote in question aptly describes my life over the last few weeks.  The lesson for me has been that ‘making big life changes is scary, but what is even scarier is regret.

Let me back-track a little ….

Three years ago I chose ‘change’ as my word of the year, and experienced some extreme changes.  Over that year, I learnt to adapt and accept that things cannot stay the same if you want to grow.  2013 was the year I moved to Westport to take up a new job back in the corporate world.  It has been a fabulous experience, and I have really loved the challenges that working in corporate finance gave me.  I am proud of how much I have learnt, and extremely grateful to the Westport for welcoming me.

Now it appears that I need another change in my life to continue my journey.  I am delighted to share that I have a new job, with an exciting Irish company.  I will be based back in Galway and am excited about the new marketing challenges ahead.

It is scary, as I will be leaving the comfort of a job I know, great colleagues, and of course the wonderful friends I have made here.  Westport is a town I have grown to love.

I am not moving yet, as I like to take my change slowly.  First the job, and then the move I, tell myself.

On the plus side, I am delighted to be returning to beautiful Galway.  My son, my sister, lots of friends old and new and of course the fabulous attractions all await just a county away.

If you are facing change, be brave.  I know it isn’t easy, and a little part of me is dreading it, but there is another part of me that is very excited.

Thanks for reading.

Kerry xx

Learned helplessness – reaching beyond my limitations

beach1

Today I went for a walk on the beautiful beach at Carrownisky near Westport.  This has got to my one of my favourite Sunday activities, and this time it was even better because I had the company of my very wise son, David.

We walked as far as we could in once direction and then turned and walked as far as we could in the other.  It was quite rocky and I was walking barefoot.  I walked along, looking down to make sure I didn’t turn my ankle.  I was taking care, but I was also chatting, taking photos and simply  but also enjoying the day.  It was windy and a little wet but that didn’t stop us.

I remarked to David that years ago I wouldn’t have even tried to walk on the beach.  Since I was a young child I have always been told that I wasn’t sporty, fit or thin.  I was basically programmed to think that I couldn’t.  If I had visited that beach years ago I would have either sat in the car or found a bench.  I didn’t think I could manage a long walk and would have been conscious of getting back, every step I took away from the car.  I would have also been told, be careful, mind your weak ankle, don’t fall.  None of these things happened today (and any other day I have walked on the beach).

beach2David told me about a concept called learned helplessness.  You can read about it here, but basically it is a story that starts with an experiment with dogs.  (Not very humane, but huge lessons to be learnt)

The concept of learned helplessness was discovered by accident by psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven F. Maier.  Dogs that had been conditioned to expect an electrical shock when hearing a tone, became helpless even when there was an option to escape the shock.

I think many of us are the same.  We believe we can’t so we don’t.  Perhaps it is a case of failing a few times.  Or in my case twisting my ankle a few times.

Learned helplessness in humans can been seen in so many instances.  As soon as David explained the concept to me I could think of so many circumstances.  Imagine a child who does badly on a maths exam.  After repeatedly receiving low scores for maths, he will begin to believe that he will never master maths.

I am so glad that I have overcome the feeling of helplessness that was once a huge part of my life.  These days I act first, and think of my limitations later.  Perhaps, of course some sort of balance would be better.

I may not be ready to climb Croke Patrick, but I am not going to feel limited about taking a nice long beach walk.

Thank you so much for reading.

Kerry xx

 

Like Water off a Duck’s Back

Like water off a Duck's back  quote

 

Years ago, after coming home from work a little stressed and worn down from office politics, I was presented with a ceramic duck.  ‘Put this on your desk, and look at it every time you need to’.  Wise words indeed.

In the hustle and bustle of life, there are always going to be moments where you may be criticised, or when something happens that is nobodies fault, but you feel bad about it.

I drop things – and after a long day at work, looking at a plate crashed on the floor, can really get me down.  No matter what it is at work or home, big or small just remember, it is like water off a duck’s back.  Let it slide right off.

I love this photo of one of the Westport ducks along the river walk.  I no longer have a ceramic duck on my desk – I gifted it to my colleagues, but I have the image in my head.

Thanks for reading this Wednesday quote post.

Kerry xx

Leave a little sparkle wherever you go

do more of what makes you sparkle

 

All my crafty friends will be giggling now, as crafters are well known for being covered in glitter, especially around Christmas.  Glitter gets everywhere and you find yourself, your pillow or even your dinner having a little sparkle.

That isn’t the sparkle I am talking about in my Wednesday quotation today.  Each and everyone of us has something that makes us sparkle.  It might be a new pair of shoes that makes us feel confident and pretty, or it might be the quiet knowledge that we have aced a problem at work.  It could also be just knowing that you have friends that love and value you, or a brand new lipstick.  Whatever it is – we sparkle in how we think and feel.

The trick is that we shouldn’t loose our sparkle.  And that we should share it, adding sparkle to others.

When I come across a random bit of glitter – and that could be anywhere from my cheek to my breakfast cereal, I remember to sparkle and to share it!

Thanks for reading

Kerry xx

Cocoa Brown had me scrubbing and rubbing to become silky smooth

tough_stuff_solo1Summer has come and now it is time to get my legs out.  Friday night was the night for a little pampering and me time.  I am not one for tanning (but may be converted), but I do like the silky feeling of smooth bare legs.  I love wearing dresses and hate tights so as soon as I can, I like to bare my legs.

The Cocoa Brown Tough Stuff  3 in 1 Body Scrub from my ITWBN Goody bag joined me in the bathroom along with some soft music and candles.  Well let me tell you my legs got some loving. First they were exfoliated – what a gorgeous smell!

It is no surprise that Cocoa Brown By Marissa Carter TOUGH STUFF 3 in 1 Body Scrub has won so many awards.  I found myself covered in the stuff as I remembered other parts of my body that needed a good exfoliation.

You can use the product wet or dry.  Dry gives you a deeper exfoliation.  I used it wet as it was my first time and found that the long sweeping movements recommended did the job.

Just a note to say that it really comes in at an affordable price.

After rinsing it off I made sure to slather myself in moisturiser before climbing into bed.

My legs are so smooth now, I might be tempted to try some tan and show them off even more.

Thanks for reading my little review, hope you are inspired to give you body some love.  I sincerely believe that grooming is important for all of us, not because of who sees us, but how it makes us feel, when we have taken a little effort to shine.

Kerry x

 

Getting my life into balance

Balloons in a box fabuliciousfifty(3)

 

The concept isn’t unique, but it is something that I have adapted for my own use and how I try to keep myself  in balance.

2012 was all about balance for me.  I started with one inflated balloon in the box a few partly shrivelled ones, and some that had almost no air in them at all.

So the basic idea is that you have 7 balloons – each one represents an area of your life (in my head these balloons are all different colours) – all these balloons have to fit into a box.  So, if one balloon is over inflated, the others must shrink to fit.

Now of course  it is impossible to get them all even, but the idea is to strive for balance.

The 7 balloons are :

  1. Family
  2. Spirituality
  3. Friends
  4. Work
  5. Health
  6. Hobbies
  7. Relationships/Love

There are many theories that talk about the areas of our lives that we need to master.  My thoughts are not that sophisticated.  Simply an idea that I fixated on during the time when I was striving for balance.

When I started  work was the biggest balloon of all.  I think that perhaps I threw myself into work, to avoid thinking about other things.  I was running my own business and as any entrepreneur will know this is quite consuming.  It had come to a point where work, friends, social life, health, and hobbies had all become rolled into one.  Not really a healthy state.  This was a big balloon.

Although I had a wonderful relationship with my son, and I was lucky enough to have one of my sisters living close by, the family balloon was sadly deflated.  To be honest I think that I had forgotten how important family was.  I was having problems in my marriage, and my close family lived miles away.  Through the year, I worked towards rebuilding and analysing the relationships in my life.  It is extremely sad when you realise that you are better off letting things go, but then it is hugely uplifiting to rebuild relationships.

If you think about it your sisters (and brothers) are your first friends.  Re-establishing a true friendship with my oldest sister has been such a ray of sunshine in my life.  We work at it our relationship and I consider both my sisters true friends.   I can honestly say that despite my separation I have moved toward re-inflating the family balloon.  I need not say that at this time the love balloon would have been hard to find in the box.

My health was at an all time low.  I had received diagnosis after diagnosis and I was terribly unfit.  I think that this was one of the biggest wake-up calls and learning how to pay attention to my health and give this balloon priority was a huge part of getting my life into balance.  Although I reached the end of 2012 with better health, this remains a priority.  The health balloon for us all is something that needs to be constantly monitored.  I always need to keep my eye on the ball from a health perspective, and yes, sometimes this balloon gets forgotten in the bottom of the box.

My spiritual life and beliefs are not something I am very vocal about.  It is a deep and personal part of my life.  It is sad however that when we go to a dark place this is when we need to be in touch with our spiritual self.  Meditation and prayer are a great solace for a life out of balance.  This was yet another balloon lying deflated at the bottom of the box.  It was actually through my walks that I reconnected.  As yes, bubbly Kerry goes silent and meditates regularly!

Friends are a great joy in my life.  Thankfully this balloon has never really deflated.  When I reflected on my life in 2012 however I did realise that my friend group was very closely linked to work.  I had met some of the most amazing people through crafting.  I will always be so grateful for the friends I made through crafting.  I met some amazing people who will always be in my life.  I do believe however that a good diverse bunch of friends makes you truly rich.  I am proud to have friends from 18 to 80 plus from all works of life.  Thank you for being my friends  – it means everything that this balloon remains inflated.

Hobbies or pastimes is balloon that is more important that we often think.  It is important to have fun times and hobbies help us explore and learn about all sorts of things.  I used to craft and paint as a hobby.  When I opened my shop, my hobbies became my job.  As I have worked towards balancing things out, I have started to enjoy my hobbies, and have even added a few more.  I joined the ICA (Irish Country Woman’s Association) where I have learnt a few new skills and made new friends.  I am of course, back painting and crafting as a hobby, but I know that I need to expand and try new things.  Hill walking perhaps?  Or maybe a spot of history.

 

Thanks for reading and thank you for all the lovely feedback.

 

Kerry

 

 

 

 

The biggest weight loss lesson ever!

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The day I attended the most fabulous buffet, my relationship with food changed, and it has never changed back.

I was always the person who had to have the last biscuit, in fact a packet of biscuits, or a bar of chocolate never lasted more than a single setting. I wasn’t conscious that I had a problem with food.  I didn’t realise that I wasn’t comfortable around food.  Well actually food should have been uncomfortable around me – I was ready to eat it.

I have honestly probably tried most diets and eating plans before accepting that health and fitness was a better route. You can read about other parts of my weight loss journey here.

Twenty-five years ago I attended a course with a difference.  It was a psychological approach to weight loss.  We started off with some gentle group therapy talking about our relationship with food.  A couple of weeks in, we were told that the next week we would be having a party.  Each person was to bring a dish.  Everyone volunteered their favourite dishes.  I made a trifle – yum yum.

My excitement was at an all time high!  There was a buffet to beat anything you would see in a top class hotel.  Sweet, savoury, snacks, starters, chocolate, wine.  There was nothing up there that I didn’t want to eat, and nothing I was missing either.

But, the lessons were about to begin….

We were all asked to go up and choose our meals.  A starter selection, main meal, dessert, cheese and biscuits, drinks, chocolates – in fact anything we liked.  I think everyone took less than they normally would – we were conscious of our neighbours.

On returning to our seat at the table we were asked to look at our food and think about what we really wanted first.  There were no rules, so if you wanted trifle, then you had a few bites of trifle.  We then moved onto our next favourite item.  Soon the moderator asked us if we were feeling full, as it takes a good 10 minutes for your tummy to register if you are full.  Very often we don’t know when we have had enough.

With no pressure it was suggested that we walk away from the table and chat if we thought we might be full.  We could come back of course, but you know what?  I didn’t – I realised that I had eaten what I wanted and was full.  I hadn’t eaten that much at all.  The sneaky thought of course was that I might just like a bite more, just one more chocolate, or a little biscuit with a bit of brie.

Look away now, it gets icky!

We were asked to pile everything in front of us onto one plate, and mash it all together.  It was literally a small mountain on the plate!  And mixed up all together it looked disgusting.  Left to my own devices all that would have gone inside me, no question.  We then went up and binned it.  From 12 people in the room we filled a large bin bag.  We also then binned all the leftovers from the serving dishes.  Another bin bag and more.

The messages were simple:

  • Rather waste in the bin than around your waistline
  • Food doesn’t have legs – it won’t run away if you don’t eat it all in one go
  • Be comfortable around food, it is ok to eat a small bit of chocolate, just don’t eat the whole bar
  • To listen to your body and stop eating when you are no longer hungry.

I am not perfect and I continually have to remind myself of the lessons I have learnt along the way.

This was a big lesson for me and even after 25 years it is still a very strong memory, I still struggle, but the one thing I know is that I am more comfortable with food.  I am comfortable with chocolate or biscuits in the house and don’t feel the need to eat them.  Well, maybe just one square!

The programme was called Weight Winners, which I attended in South Africa.  In an effort to credit experience, that literally changed my relationship with food, I found this article.

Thank you for reading my blog, I so appreciate the feedback and comments.

Kerry xx

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