Tag: fifty

Empty Nest  – a Syndrome or an Opportunity

On Tuesday last week I waved my son off on a journey that will propel him into the real world.  I closed the door and burst into tears.

I could not really explain the tear. They just came and the more I tried to stop them, the more they flowed.  I was a bit taken aback as I thought I had my head around it all.

From birth our role as a parent is as a nurturer.  We feed our children, keep them safe and do everything we can to make them smile.

I am a proud Mom

I am incredibly proud of the young man who is my son.  My son is a hard worker who is passionate about everything he does.  In my opinion he has unusual clarity about his life’s goals and is now on the way to a wonderful future.

He has had a fascination for computer games and programming for since his early teens and has worked steadily away in tandem with finishing school and then completing a degree in Theoretical Physics.  And, now he embarks on his new adventure as a games play programmer working on his dream game.  Yes, I am proud, extremely proud.  But, this job is near Manchester in the United Kingdom. So he is not only starting out in his new career and a whole new chapter of his life, but he has moved to another country.

Of course I will be visiting, and I have already started looking at flights and planning get-aways, but ultimately this week marks the end of my role as a mother to a child and the beginning of true adulthood for my son.

So an empty nest.  What does that mean?

In some ways I feel a fraud talking about my empty nest as he and I have lived apart for a while now between college and other things.  I did have the joy of having him under my roof for a couple of months after college which was a gift which I cherish.

An empty nest for me it marks the end of an era.  My child is now a tax paying adult!  It changes nothing about how I feel about him.  I will continue to worry about if he is eating well and meeting nice people, and that he is happy.  That part of mothering never turns off.  I do know however that as he left the nest, he is ready to fly.

I am sure that he will feel the excitement I once felt when I started out on my own and moved into my first flat with my sister.  The day I was shown my first desk at my first job, and the day I received my first pay cheque.

I have allowed myself a few days to get used to the idea that we no longer life in the same country, never mind the same house or town.  I have had a glass (or two) of Prosecco to celebrate his success and talk endlessly about how I feel, but now it is time to face up to what this empty nest means for me.

An Empty Nest as a launch pad?

I am at a stage in my life when I too can stand on the edge of the nest and decide where to fly.  What changes can I make in my life?  What destinations can I choose to fly too.

I know that many people of my age face the same challenges.  In a way it is an exciting phase for us empty nesters too.  We can play the game of reinvention.  I am putting myself in the way of opportunities.  I am determined to embrace my creative side and work on my art with the long-term aim of holding an exhibition.

You don’t get to 53 without accumulating. I have so many ‘things’ in terms of items that need dusting and tidying. So instead of shopping I am looking to spend my time and money on experiences.  I have booked to go to the National Gallery to see the Vermeer exhibition, signed up for an international craft class, and am playing short away trips.

South Africa is my destination in October and I am planning on spending time creating some wonderful new memories with friends old and new during my trip.  I will also stop off in Dubai for some special family time with my sister.

I have decided to consciously consider myself a Mommy bird who looks at her nest and instead of seeing it as empty sees it as an opportunity to fly.

As I continue to celebrate being fabulous in my fifties I hope you come back to share my journey here.

Thank you for reading.

Kerry xx

Proudly Plus-sized and blogging about it!

For a long time I have been considering blogging about being plus-sized.  There is no reason why your size should stop you being fashionably fabulous.

For Christmas a couple of years ago my mom gave me a gift voucher to a fashion store.  Now, it is not polite to ask someone how much the voucher is worth. When I was in the shopping mall I popped into the store and asked the assistant if she could let me know how much I could spend.

The assistant looked at me, and didn’t even take the voucher.  She simply said “I don’t think we have anything to fit you here.”

I was speechless! Walking away from the store I felt less than fabulous and frankly upset and shocked.

Once I started to think about it I got mad.  This shop stocks fashion, shoes, handbags, fabulous accessories and lingerie.  They are also known for having a plus size department.  It was made apparent that this particular branch didn’t stock the plus size range, but that was no excuse for the rude and frankly hurtful manner in which I was addressed.

I could easily have chosen to spend my voucher money on earrings, and a gorgeous necklace or scarf.  The last time I checked my ears and neck were not plus sized.  A standard handbag also seems to fit me – in fact I like small bags.  I don’t want to sound bitchy, but really!!!

I did complain, and I did receive an apology.  It did get me thinking though of plus-size fashion, and especially the role accessories play in giving an outfit that fabulous touch. It was instances such as this that helped me to make the decision to introduce fashion and style into my blog.

Ireland’s got Curves and so do I

I am delighted to say that I will be attending Ireland’s got Curves a fabulous event which being launched by Miss Curves Ireland, SharonD.  For many of us who struggle with our weight we are made to feel less than fabulous by mainstream shops.

Many of my photographs (by the lovely Natalie Greer) show my head and shoulders (my best bits), but this photo shows almost all of me.  I am not going to shy away from showing my wobbly bits, after all they are part of me.

It is for this reason and my own experience that I have decided that I will embrace fashion blogging, as a plus-sized and over 50 fabulous woman.

Please come and visit my blog again and also follow me on Instagram – DynamicKerry – where I will be showing off my style!

Thanks for reading

Kerry xx

 

Dating in your 50s – Part 3 – Joining the Online World

You have made the decision, you are going to dip your toes into online dating.  So, what next?

It is scary. But, what might happen?  Online dating in your 50s might lead to you the man (or woman)  of your dreams, or you might meet a really good friend.

Or, you might meet someone who is nothing like he said!

Honesty and bravery

Be honest.  When putting up your own profile be honest.  After all if you take it a step further any little white lies will be exposed.   Don’t feel that you have to put up every little detail about yourself, but do think of the information you would like to get from reading someone else’s profile.

Also be brave.  Do put up a photo.  When I started online dating I was so unhappy with the way I looked I didn’t put up a photo.  I started chatting to a lovely guy and we really got on well.  We even progressed to a phone call, and still I wouldn’t let him see what I looked like.

Eventually I sent a picture to his phone.  I literally held my breath for the time it took him to get back to me, petrified he would run a mile.

We all have wrinkles and are getting a bit older.  We have bits that are not where they were twenty years ago.  Women lie about their age and men lie about their height.  If you are serious about dating, be honest and be brave.  If he doesn’t like the look of your photo or your description of cuddly, then he is not the man for you.

Tips on the photos you use

Keep your photos simple – a nice headshot with a smile.  Do not put up family photos. I think this is really inappropriate.  Don’t put up photos of your home or your surroundings.  Keep it simple  if you connect there is plenty of time for more detailed photos as you get to know someone.

Conversely I think a profile with a nice clean smiling photo is what I am attracted to.  I really don’t want to see a photo of your ex!

What to write in that first message.

The content of your profile – and the profiles that you are looking at are the key to starting a conversation.

Yes, it is always awkward taking the first step and saying hi.  They way I look at it, it is better to make the approach than simply wait to be approached.  I must be a modern women.  (Although I do have memories of the mantra of going to the disco at 14 and saying that the guy must ask you to dance, and he must ask for your phone number) – I am delighted that times have changed.

I think at this stage we are all a little afraid to make the first move, but I say, just do it.

To send the first email missive across the internet is brave.  But what do you say.

My recommendation is to say something about them.  Read their profile and comment on something they have said.  Ask something more that relates to their interests.

Here are some ideas:

  • What was your childhood favourite book? (they have said they like reading)
  • When was the last time you went on holiday and where to? (they like travel)
  • Mention something that happened recently in your area or internationally, and ask an opinion.  This is a great way of finding out if they have an interest in, and if they have opinions on politics, sport etc.

The most important thing to remember is to ask an open-ended question. Something that cannot be answered with a simply yes or no.  Although anyone who came back to me with a yes or a no would be a no for me!  I like a good conversation.

Also tell a little about yourself, but not too much – you want them to come back and ask their own open-ended question.

You could simply say that you finished a great book this weekend and got in a good walk before the weather turned.  That way they can come back and ask about what you were reading and where you walked.

A word of warning for online dating in your 50s

There are people out there  on dating sites and in pubs and real life who are not what they seem to be.  Simply keep away from them. In most cases I would advise simply blocking them.

Block them if:

  • If they are loads younger than you, and are asking if you are married
  • If they ask about your marital status  it means they probably are married  – despite what the profile says
  • If they make any suggestive comments early on –consider reporting them
  • If they ask for your email address or phone number in the first message
  • If they ask for money or start talking about money

Be brave – give little peaks into your life.  And enjoy getting to know new friends.  You never know where it could go.

If you want to read Guide to Dating in your Fifties Part 1 and Part 2  please follow the links.

If you are looking for love this February – be brave and take the plunge.

I love feedback so please feel free to leave me a message.

Thank you for reading

Kerry x

Celebrating my birthday with Joy

I have always loved celebrating my birthday.  I guess it is really just a great excuse to get together with family and friends and celebrate life.

There is always reason to celebrateAs I get older (and I will be 52 in a few days time), I try and reason with myself.  You are too old, too tired, not well enough, it will be too much work, and then something happens to remind me why we should celebrate our birthdays.

Last week I listened to Facebook CEO, Sheryl Sandberg’s commencement speech at the University of California, Berkeley.

Sheryl Sandberg is a fabulous woman in my opinion, and has shown just how strong she is following the death of her husband just over a year ago.  In this speech she is very honest and quite emotional about the shock of dealing with his sudden death and how she has coped.

She talks about finding joy and meaning. “Dave’s death changed me in profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void — or in the face of any challenge — you can choose joy and meaning.”

Choosing joy over sadness can be really hard, but the rewards are immense.

I urge you to listen to the speech which you can do here.  Her honesty about pain and hurt is so real, but so is the message that we can continue on.

Now what has this to do with cake?  During her address Sheryl Sandberg says “I used to celebrate my birthday every five years, and friends’ birthdays sometimes. Now I celebrate always.”

We do not know what is ahead of us, but what I do know is that my riches in my life are in people, my friends and family.  A birthday party – why not?  It is a great excuse to celebrate life and to focus on gratitude for what we have experienced this last year.

I have decided that this year I will simply open my home, and spend quality sofa time with wonderful people.  It is an open invitation to if you would like to join in, please message me.

I have chosen to celebrate on 6 June which is a day early, but as it is a bank holiday it will be lovely and relaxing.

I urge you to use any excuse really to celebrate and spread joy.

Thanks for reading

Kerry x

Be Brave – take the first step

Be brave, take the first step

Being brave is huge!  It means different things to different people really but it is really a very powerful emotion that can propel us forward in a really good and positive way.

What does brave mean to you?

For some people attending an event or a function is brave. For others it might be attempting something that they never thought they could do.  We all have our comfort zones and when we take a step outside of this lovely comfortable place we are being brave.  For me it is stepping out into the unknown.

I am being really courageous this year.  Due to my health, I have had to start again.  Literally.  Imagine almost 52 and having to find a new career which will fit in with my current life.  It isn’t easy, but I am reading and learning and hopefully will be able to work part time very soon.

I have also had to be extremely brave and face some of my exercise demons.

This time last year I was living in Westport, working as the Head of Marketing for a financial services company and generally living it up.

Now my life has changed and I am living in Galway and trying to get my body as strong as possible in ways I can control.  I think this is really important as I cannot completely control the arthritis or fibromyalgia (never mind the other issues), but I can control my fitness levels.

I was brave in February when I did a 10km walk for charity.  I felt this way again when I did the Darkness into Life walk earlier in May.  I felt terribly brave when I went to my first yoga class.  Granted it was a yoga class for people with joint pain, but it was still hard to walk into a room and realise that you might be the biggest person in the class and more likely the least flexible person.

Fast forward a few weeks and I am lying on my back with my legs up against the wall, and trying various poses.  It is still a long way from the downward facing dog, but I am proud that I am taking these little brave steps.

Every day we have a choice, to be brave and take that step out of the comfort zone or stay cuddled in the warmth of the known.

I do both.  One thing I have learned though is that every time I take a brave step, the reward is there.  It isn’t always immediate, but it does come.

Please feel free to stop by and tell me your stories about being brave.  It honestly doesn’t matter how small the step, it is a step in the right direction.

Thanks for reading

Kerry x

 

When change happens – make it good change

Marilyn monroe quoteChange is inevitable.  Marilyn Monroe is a woman that divides.  I admire her and am often drawn to her quotes.  I think that to an extent she was misunderstood, but behind the blond curly locks and sexy voice was a very wise woman.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

I was musing on 2015 and realised that so far it has been a year of two halves.  For the first 6 months I was happily living in Westport, working away at my job, with a great social life and a fabulous circle of friends in Mayo.

The second half has been all about change.  I found a new job in Galway – which was the first domino in a series of changes.  I left my beautiful flat,and now know that I would have been given notice anyway as the owners were moving back!  I bade farewell to familiar streets that I walked every day greeting people along the way.

The transition was not easy, but now I am starting to realise that this quote is true.  New things are starting to fall together.  I am writing this sitting in my lovely new home, contemplating putting on a fire with a pot of soup on the stove waiting for my dinner guest.

I have found new ways to exercise and am walking regularly.

I am closer to my family and am rekindling old friendships and making new ones.

I have new challenges in the workplace that are allowing me to exercise my mind.

So, thank you Marilyn for those wise words of inspiration.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my Wednesday quotation.

Kerry x

 

 

The Liebster Award – time to learn a little more about me!

Thank you to ashleighthebeautyaddict for nominating me for nominating me for the Liebster award.  Great fun and I  get to look at so many blogs.  Honestly since I have been blogging I have learnt so much and ‘met’ such amazing people – I feel really honoured.

Liebster

Here are the rules:

1) Thank and link back to the person(s) who nominated you and display the award

2) Answer their 11 questions the nominee asked

3) Give 11 random facts about yourself

4) Nominate 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers

5) Notify the bloggers you chose for the award

6) Make a list of 11 different questions for your nominees to answer

My questions from Ashleighthebeautyaddict

One:  What is the one makeup product you always ‘need’ to buy, yet you have a thousand different ones in the drawer?

Foundation – I seem to have developed a bit of an addiction for it.  I must be my quest for a flawless skin.  I promise I will use them all.  I tend to swop and change depending on the occasion.

Two:  Are you allergic to anything?

I must be, just can’t think of anything right now.  Oh! I know I am allergic to unkind people – they bring me out in hives!!!

Three:  If I was to quickly look at your profile pic, what would be the one thing I would never ever guess about you?

That I was blond most of my life.  The red hair is part of me striving to be fabulous and be strong.

Four:  Name the first lipstick shade name that comes to mind!

Blushing ballroom

Five:  Okay now join that name with the name of the first street you lived on, that’s your Superhero name! What power do you have and why?

Blushing Ballroom Rosemary – Well obviously this superhero can dance like a dream and forget the cares of her life while dancing.  The real superpower I would like to have is to make people feel good about themselves despite what they are dealing with.

Six:  What is the one thing you cannot stand to be around? (a certain smell/place/animal/insect?)

I don’t really like the smell of raw meat – a butcher shop makes me feel sick!  I was a vegetarian most of my life.

Seven:  What beauty product did you cave and buy that totally didn’t work out for you?

Nothing comes to mind, but I know I do know that I have too many handcreams.  I seem to buy lots of them, and then never get to use them up.

Eight:  Is there a certain product/brand/place you rave about to everyone? It could even be a game or a book!

That’s easy Elizabeth Arden 8-hour cream.  It is my go to solution for everything skin.  I think friends and family are tired of hearing about it.  It is a miracle cream.

Nine:  Would you rather throw out your eyeshadow’s, pigments and palettes or your foundations, mascara’s and lipsticks?

It would be my lipsticks.  I love them, but forget to apply them throughout the day, so am often bare lipped.

Ten:  Is there a word/brand you were told you have been saying wrong the entire time? (I thought Morphe was pronounced Morphe not Morph-ee)

Took me a long time to learn to say lingerie as a child.  I think I was in my twenties before I learnt how to pronounce it!

Eleven:  Name one person on Instagram or Youtube that you admire.

I haven’t explored Youtube enough yet.  My summer project! – so watch this space.

I do love Tedtalks – so inspiring.

11 Random facts about me

  1. I have 2 different colour eyes – one blue and one green
  2. I am a middle child
  3. I tell everyone (and honestly secretly believe) that I can talk dog! I am sure I understand them and that they understand me
  4. I have a really boy/techie side to me
  5. Through my son – I have developed a huge interest into the psychology of video games.
  6. I have a number of tiaras/crowns (perhaps that isn’t a big secret)
  7. I am very untidy
  8. Friends are my real wealth
  9. I had serious imaginary friends as a child
  10. I pretended to be my brother’s twin for a good few years (and he is 6 years younger than me!)
  11. I love to paint

I am nominating 11 bloggers – I hope you haven’t done this before …

(May I just say I have loved this research – could read blogs all day!)

Style Gamblers

EA Loves

Enhance what is yours

Beechmount Art Studio

Helpless while Drying

Sometimes Write

Squidgy Moments

But you have such a pretty face

Lilliwhiterose

Glittermamawishes

Red Lips Red Hair

My Questions:

  1. Did you have a nickname as a child – and what was it?
  2. Did you have an imaginary friend? Tell us please?
  3. Where do you come in your family? Is it a good or bad thing
  4. TV guilty pleasure
  5. Your best bathtime routine – favourite products, scented candles ….
  6. Quote that defines your life
  7. Your favourite exercise
  8. Have you ever considered online dating?
  9. What triggered your first blog post
  10. What beauty product in your make-up bag makes you feel really special
  11. The book that changed your life?
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