You have made the decision, you are going to dip your toes into online dating. So, what next?
It is scary. But, what might happen? Online dating in your 50s might lead to you the man (or woman) of your dreams, or you might meet a really good friend.
Or, you might meet someone who is nothing like he said!
Honesty and bravery
Be honest. When putting up your own profile be honest. After all if you take it a step further any little white lies will be exposed. Don’t feel that you have to put up every little detail about yourself, but do think of the information you would like to get from reading someone else’s profile.
Also be brave. Do put up a photo. When I started online dating I was so unhappy with the way I looked I didn’t put up a photo. I started chatting to a lovely guy and we really got on well. We even progressed to a phone call, and still I wouldn’t let him see what I looked like.
Eventually I sent a picture to his phone. I literally held my breath for the time it took him to get back to me, petrified he would run a mile.
We all have wrinkles and are getting a bit older. We have bits that are not where they were twenty years ago. Women lie about their age and men lie about their height. If you are serious about dating, be honest and be brave. If he doesn’t like the look of your photo or your description of cuddly, then he is not the man for you.
Tips on the photos you use
Keep your photos simple – a nice headshot with a smile. Do not put up family photos. I think this is really inappropriate. Don’t put up photos of your home or your surroundings. Keep it simple if you connect there is plenty of time for more detailed photos as you get to know someone.
Conversely I think a profile with a nice clean smiling photo is what I am attracted to. I really don’t want to see a photo of your ex!
What to write in that first message.
The content of your profile – and the profiles that you are looking at are the key to starting a conversation.
Yes, it is always awkward taking the first step and saying hi. They way I look at it, it is better to make the approach than simply wait to be approached. I must be a modern women. (Although I do have memories of the mantra of going to the disco at 14 and saying that the guy must ask you to dance, and he must ask for your phone number) – I am delighted that times have changed.
I think at this stage we are all a little afraid to make the first move, but I say, just do it.
To send the first email missive across the internet is brave. But what do you say.
My recommendation is to say something about them. Read their profile and comment on something they have said. Ask something more that relates to their interests.
Here are some ideas:
- What was your childhood favourite book? (they have said they like reading)
- When was the last time you went on holiday and where to? (they like travel)
- Mention something that happened recently in your area or internationally, and ask an opinion. This is a great way of finding out if they have an interest in, and if they have opinions on politics, sport etc.
The most important thing to remember is to ask an open-ended question. Something that cannot be answered with a simply yes or no. Although anyone who came back to me with a yes or a no would be a no for me! I like a good conversation.
Also tell a little about yourself, but not too much – you want them to come back and ask their own open-ended question.
You could simply say that you finished a great book this weekend and got in a good walk before the weather turned. That way they can come back and ask about what you were reading and where you walked.
A word of warning for online dating in your 50s
There are people out there on dating sites and in pubs and real life who are not what they seem to be. Simply keep away from them. In most cases I would advise simply blocking them.
Block them if:
- If they are loads younger than you, and are asking if you are married
- If they ask about your marital status it means they probably are married – despite what the profile says
- If they make any suggestive comments early on –consider reporting them
- If they ask for your email address or phone number in the first message
- If they ask for money or start talking about money
Be brave – give little peaks into your life. And enjoy getting to know new friends. You never know where it could go.
If you want to read Guide to Dating in your Fifties Part 1 and Part 2 please follow the links.
If you are looking for love this February – be brave and take the plunge.
I love feedback so please feel free to leave me a message.
Thank you for reading
Kerry x
